At some point you have to forget, right?
Your dreams slowly fall apart, and are revealed to be naught but ash.
Memories and fantazies grow hollow and turns your heart into darkness.

But it's a familiar darkness, almost comforting. Your heart's been that way before. Unfeeling.
Life's easier that way. Standing beside the world. Observing. Despising.

Bitterness enters your life as a shield against what the rest of the world feel is normal.
They do not think that you fall under that category.
But you honestly don't care anymore. There's not a shred of hope in you that you'll ever be normal. Accepted. Wanted. Loved.

So you carry on strong with your bitter, cynical one-man hate parade.
All the way knowing deep down inside that you're fooling yourself.
Keeping your hate focused on other people, instead of wondering where all the hate comes from. Why the purest feeling in you is hate.
Why you think trust shouldn't be earned, it shouldn't be given at all.

But you want to trust. You want to able to have conversations where your paranoid mind isn't thinking about exit strategies or calculating on what you can say about yourself without risking it'll hurt you.

You want to be a happy ignorant fool, like the rest of the world seem to manage with such sickening grace...